


As Humanity Sleeps

by milktea_matin



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Angst, Drabble, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Human Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post Season/Series 08, Post Season/Series 08 Finale, Protective Dean Winchester, Romance, Sharing a Bed, Sharing a Room
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-19
Updated: 2013-05-19
Packaged: 2017-12-12 07:55:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/809158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milktea_matin/pseuds/milktea_matin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haunted by visions of the night when thousands of angels fell from Heaven, Castiel is lost in a deep despair and has not slept at all. Even without his powers, Castiel comes to realize that there is still a future ahead of him, with Dean at his side.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As Humanity Sleeps

                “We angels,” says Castiel, “We never sleep. From the moment that humankind first appeared on earth, we were told to look after and protect them. So every night when humanity lies down to sleep, we angels must keep watch.” He is sitting on a chair, opposite Dean's bed in the bunker. He pauses, and looks over at Dean who is now staring back at him intently. Castiel sees the concern in Dean’s eyes and breaks off his gaze, casting his eyes to the floor.

                “Cas, you’re not…” _An angel anymore._ Dean stops himself. The words hang in the air between them,. Dean sits with his back propped against the iron headboard of his bed, and Castiel sits with shoulders slouched, looking solemn. Dean knows that there are too many unsaid words between them and he wonders if they can ever make up for it. “Talk to me, Cas,” he says, inviting Castiel to speak his mind. Castiel’s eyes dart about, looking at anything and everything but Dean. Dean sighs, and with a single motion throws back the covers on his bed. He walks over to Castiel and realizes that the former angel’s hands are loosely clasped together, trembling, and his head is bowed as if in prayer. “Cas…” says Dean, finding his voice unsteady upon realizing the depth of Castiel’s despair. Castiel stands but refuses to look at him, but Dean clearly sees the dark circles under his eyes and the pallor of his complexion.

                “I’ll just…get a breath of fresh air…” says Castiel, struggling to produce any excuse to escape that look of concern on Dean’s face. That look always trapped him with his lingering guilt. Before becoming a fallen angel Castiel might have simply vanished into thin air and put some space between them. He would have easily escaped and contemplated his sorrows alone, but this time was different. 

                “Cas, you're not going anywhere,” says Dean, a little roughly, and plants his hands firmly on Castiel’s broad shoulders. “We can face this, Cas, alright?” Dean feels as if there’s a lump in his throat, “What do you think would happen if I let you wander off!? If they find you, Cas, they’ll…!”

                “Kill me,” says Castiel quietly, his worried eyes looking off to the side, not at Dean. He shakes his head, blinking hard several times to keep away the flow of tears that threatened to come forth. It is a strange sensation to him, and even as he feels eyes grow watery he tries not to acknowledge it. “Dean, I’m no longer an angel…” says Castiel, his eyes growing wider with fright. “What use am I to you, or Sam?  Without my powers...I'm simply wasting my time attempting to be of use.” Tears began to trickle down his cheeks. Dean knew he was afraid, and he thought desperately for a way to console him.

                “Cas…Cas, just listen to me!” says Dean, shaking him, “I told you before, I’m not letting you go…” Castiel raises his head to see that Dean means it…really means it. Dean searches Castiel’s eyes for evidence that he understands. Maybe it was the human body that made him weaker, the lack of sleep, the fear that had been clawing at him from inside, but Castiel feels the tears flow, hot and wet down his cheeks. 

                “What have I done, Dean…?” says Castiel, his voice strained. He swallows hard. “I devastated Heaven, and I’m the reason Metatron succeeded. All of it was my doing…I destroyed it all. I’m afraid, Dean…this time, my sins are too great. I only came to say my goodbyes.” 

                “Dammit, Cas, you're not saying goodbye to anyone!" Dean says, a tinge of anger in his voice. "You think you can just come here to announce that and be on your way!? You were trying to do the right thing, you always were…” says Dean, “You’re no different than the rest of us. All we can do is try, alright? Hell, do you know how many lives were lost because Sam and I screwed up!? How many times we lost the battle and got someone else killed!?” Dean pauses a moment, seeing that Castiel’s compose had all but crumbled, tears now flowing freely. He plants one of his hands against Castiel’s cheek and wipes away a falling tear with his thumb, the way he used to do for Sam when they were children.  “But we have to keep fighting, because there’s no other way. It's a torturous path to follow, but there are no alternatives. I told you before, I’m not leaving you, and I'm sure as hell not going to let _you_ leave. I _need_ you…even if you don’t believe it…” Castiel raises his eyes to meet Dean’s, and realizes that it’s true. And Dean cannot stand to see Cas’ despair, even when they both know that the world is a bleak, dark place for the both of them. Dean moves closer to him, and shifts his hand to rest on the back of Castiel’s head. He smooths back Castiel's ruffled hair and he leans in. Their lips brush together momentarily as Dean tests out this new experience, and Castiel closes his eyes when he feels Dean press his lips more firmly against his. At first Castiel does not respond, perhaps a little afraid that it was not real or that he misunderstood something. Dean pauses briefly to say it again, those words that had struck Castiel with a sense of wonder. “I _need_ you…” When their lips touch again, Castiel kisses him back, his hand reaching out to hold onto Dean’s arm, drawing him even closer, to reassure himself that reality was not all despair. He feels his dampened cheek touch against Dean’s and the warmth of their kiss. When their lips finally part, Castiel is still clutching on to Dean, gazing into his eyes.  A reassuring warmth flutters to life in his chest and they stand together in silent understanding of their newfound reality.

               “At least…” begins Castiel, quietly, “Let me watch over you tonight, just one last time…as a human, I…don’t know what my duties are yet.” His eyes are watery and a flush of pink has spread across his cheeks. Dean grins and looks down at the floor for moment. He wipes away the tears from his face with the back of his hand.

                “You don’t have duties, alright? No flying ass monkeys to order you around anymore…” says Dean, and Castiel feels lost. “Since you’re human now, you need to sleep. Clearly, neither of us have slept since then…” _Then_. That night when thousands of angels had plummeted from their celestial kingdom, falling like stars. Castiel had feared that his only companions after that night would be regret and pain, slowly tearing him apart from the inside. Over and over again he had imagined Dean turning him away in disgrace and anger, and an almost suffocating weight had settled in his chest. But now that weight, it felt lighter now. Castiel shakes his head.

                “How…do I sleep?” he asks. He knows in theory, of course, but the question crosses his lips anyway and he feels foolish.

                “With me…” says Dean. And when Castiel gives him a quizzical look, Dean rolls his eyes. He takes him by the arm and pulls him over to the bed. He settles in first, pushing the blankets aside and then urges Castiel, trenchcoat and all, into bed with him. Lying there together, Castiel begins to feel a sense of peace wash over him. That remaining weight begins to lift from his chest. With Dean’s arms wrapped comfortably around him, resting his head against his chest, the world begins to feel so much more bearable, maybe even happier.

                “I’ll watch over you, Dean, even now…” mumbles Castiel, his eyes half-closed, not wanting to succumb to the allure of sleep. Dean says nothing, but runs his hand through Castiel's hair and pulls him closer. Castiel attempts to keep his eyes open in order to fulfill his angelic duty just one last time, but he quickly finds himself lulled into restful slumber. Dean looks down at him, seeing the former angel’s face softened with sleep. He thinks to himself that as long as there were moments like this for them, these moments when the pain of the world was kept at bay, then they could continue fighting… _together_.

 

**Author's Note:**

> (This is the first Destiel fic that I've written, but I'm hoping to improve my writing with future submissions! I liked the idea of Castiel still wanting to act as an angel even when his powers were gone, and Dean being able to reassure him that even now he was important to him. I hope I have at least in some way succeeded! Thank you for reading.)


End file.
